Life on a Lease

Yet another poor excuse for a poem...

Life on a Lease

Most days, life eludes me,

no matter what, I just can't seem to be

in a place that makes sense to me.
Still- I'm young, they say

don't they know

that I'm getting older each day.

And that life is no guarantee;

death waits for no one, you see.

This dream

like a thread in a seam

is slowly coming undone.

Yet, I can't run.

I can't run 

away-

for I must stay away...

from you,

for ten thousand days- 

at least.
Go east! She says.  
How can I? 

So here I am working in this shop
selling toy dino's and coloured rocks. 
She mocks...

...I've done quite a lot?

ten jobs,
nine courses,
eight epiphanies,
seven cities,
six colleges,
five exhibitions,
four countries,
three books,
two souls,
and this-
eternal struggle
to withdraw myself, from myself.

See in these long and lonely years
I've conquered so many of my fears.
Yet so many remain

-the same.  

I've travelled a bit

and like a bird I've flit

from place to place

in somewhat of a daze.
I've walked with the pilgrims

and the peacekeepers.

I've met many angels

and a few grim reapers.

But I'm weary now

So weary now. 

I'm weary of always moving

I'm weary of forever moving

back and forth

from here to there
from crowd to crowd

from place to place

always with this smile

on my face.

See I've searched inside my soul

But there's this hole

and it won't go way.
Sometimes it's so hard

to keep these feelings at bay.

I never know what I'll get,

with this dice I roll.

Now I have this odd job,

then I was on the dole-

for a week.

I seek. 

Yet still I seek.

A cause, a life, a love, a dream.

-realised. 

A dream made true. 

Maybe a few.... 

Yet what I really seek

is this-

Purpose. Meaning. Peace.

For this short life

is on a lease...